How can I improve my prologue for a sci-fi story?

best security camera layout image

Parker G.

I started a new story a couple weeks ago, and I'm kind of worried about info dump in the beginning of it. Does it seem like I'm giving too much information in the prologue? Any other suggestions for improvement would also be appreciated.
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Prologue

10 minutes ago. 12:39 AM

Rok 9Q silently climbed up the wall of the brick building, his custom-made gloves and boots giving him the extra traction he needed to help keep his grip. He counted the floors silently as he passed them, numbering them in twelve different languages for practice. Once heâd reached the eighteenth floor, he stopped and considered how to open the window.
The microscopic scanners implanted in his brain silently fed him data, which seemed to flow across his eyes like he was reading a book. They told him that the window was made of simple glass in a wooden frame and lacked all of the complicated security systems found on most houses. Satisfied, he merely spent a moment jarring the window upwards before the lock snapped and he was able to lift it freely.
He opened the window just wide enough for him to crawl through, then silently stood inside and took in his surroundings. As he memorized the layout of the room, marking all exits and entrances, he mentally commanded all of the transmitters and scanners in his brain to shut down. At this point he didnât want any unnecessary information distracting him from the task at hand.
Unfortunately, even the infrared vision might divert his attention elsewhere if he kept it on. Some homes had security in place which could give off counterfeit heat signatures that resembled a human in every way, so any intruder in the home would mistakenly targeted the replica while the security company alerted the true resident of the trespasser.
With the NOUS currently in a non-active state, Rok 9Q was completely on his own. He no longer received threat assessment and analysis, as well as data construction of the building. It also meant that he was no longer able to send or receive communications from Base, and they couldnât tap into his mind to spy on him. To them, he was completely off the grid. He could do whatever he wanted, and no one would ever know. But he had a mission to complete, and nothing was going to sidetrack him from that tonight.
He could make out three doors in the room in which he had entered. The one on the opposite side of the window likely led to the hallway of the apartment building. He noted it as a possible exit route after the mission was completed. The adjacent was to where he was standing had two doors. The door farthest from him clearly led to a kitchen; there was an opening in the wall near it that displayed an oven and microwave. If he walked closer for a different angle he knew he would see a refrigerator and freezer somewhere in it too.
That left only one room. He sneaked over to it and put his ear to the door to see if it was in fact the room he was looking for. He heard faint breathing, but wasnât fully convinced. Breathing could be faked just like anything else.
He slowly turned the doorknob and stepped into the room. There was a woman sleeping on a bed, so he took out his picture and held it up for comparison. The photo was of a frowning woman staring resolutely at the camera. She had shoulder-length hair dyed a dark green color and light blue eyes. Easy enough to recognize.
He crept forward until he was kneeling across from where she was laying and held the photo up to her face. If he had his tech on, his facial recognition program could bring up her name almost instantly, but at this point it was faster to simply do the photo comparison. Yes, it was definitely her.
He withdrew his service pistol from an ankle holster and held it close to her head.
Suddenly her eyes snapped open and stared up at him from the pillow. Surprised, Rok 9Q reacted instincively. He pressed the gun into her temple and whispered, âDonât make a sound, or I kill you right now.â
She squinted at him a moment, then recognition flashed in her eyes. âYouâre one of those clones, arenât you?â
âYes.â
He should have left it at that, should have just killed her in that moment, but he didnât. And thatâs what led to his downfall.

Answer
Ok, I'll put in my two cents:

The good: I love the uniqueness of the story and the detail you provide throughout. Rok 9Q seems very programmed and methodical about everything he does. I assume his character will grow to include more personality throughout. The setting is also interesting as it combines both futuristic and contemporary elements.

About the info dump: You are perhaps a tad too detailed at times. If you're worried about readers gaining a mental image of your setting, don't be. Only give us enough information that's needed. With that being said, I'm being picky. I enjoy the detail given. My only suggestions: limit the paragraph where he is analyzing each room- he's already done that briefly in the paragraph before. Also, I'm not sure how I feel about telling the reader that his downfall is coming. I would probably be a tad more subtle with the foreshadowing.

Again, this is just my opinion. I think your story is off to a good start. Keep it up!

How difficult is it to become a navy photographer?

dylanthoma

I currently work as a stills photographer in feature films and commercials. I've wanted to join the navy for a while but have only recently been able to honestly consider it. The reasons I want to leave the entertainment business and join the navy are so I can become a better person, serve my country, and gain experience outside of the entertainment business. Will my experience in photography make it easier for me to get that detail? Thanks in advance.

Answer
Ignore Erudite, He doesn't know what in the hell he is talking about.

Photographer's Mate (PH) no longer exists in the US Navy, the duties were rolled into a new Rating, Mass Communications Specialist (MC).

This rating was created in July 2006 by merging the following ratings: Journalist (JO), Photographer's Mate (PH), Draftsman (DM), and Lithographer's (LI).

The duties performed by MCs include:

Prepare and write news and feature articles for publication

Photograph events for publication and historic documentation

Operate and maintain a variety of state-of-the-art still and video cameras

Operate computer-based graphics software and desktop publishing systems

Create original visual information displays and graphics

Multi-media design and production

Design and manage public and secure websites

Layout and design military newspapers and magazines

Manage radio and television stations

Operate video and electronic imaging equipment

Operate digital electronic reproduction equipment

Edit video news, features, and documentation

Shoot still photographs and video for accident or incident investigations

Conduct interviews

Market stories

Perform as a Public Affairs Officer

ASVAB Score: VE + AR = 110

Other Requirements:
Must have normal color perception.
Must have normal hearing.
Must have no speech impediment.
Security Clearance, (SECRET) Requirement.
60 month obligation.
Must be U.S. citizen
Normal color perception is required

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